Alcohol is easy to associate with who you are. You may drink to feel more confident at parties, charmed in conversations, or a bit more “fun”. What if you are the one who is giving alcohol credit for your confidence?
Alcohol as a shortcut to confidence
In social situations, it’s common to drink alcohol to relax. It’s time to relax. You can also use a drink to socialize and loosen up. You may soon feel that the beverages you drink are what makes you funny, charming or bold.
When alcohol becomes personal to you, it feels like a part of your identity.
Alcohol doesn’t really create confidence. How could it? The illusion is all it does. It can reduce anxiety and inhibitions, which at the moment can make you feel confident. What about the real you? Who do people enjoy spending time with? This person won’t vanish just because you are holding a seltzer rather than a cocktail.
Is it Really You? Or is it just a habit?
You may feel that if you have ever been the “life of the Party” or someone who is always able to make people laugh, you will lose a part of yourself if you decide to drink less. It’s not your alcohol consumption that makes you attractive–it is your warmth, humour and presence. What’s happening is that a deep-seated habit has taken over. The more you associate alcohol with relaxing or socializing, the more your mind believes that alcohol makes it possible. It’s only repetition. It’s a bad habit. But it is not a character trait.
Find Your Confidence without Alcohol
Does alcohol boost your confidence? It may feel like it. It’s not the liquid in a glass that gives you lasting confidence but rather your ability to show up as yourself. It takes time to build confidence–through small moments of discomfort, by practising presence and learning that you are not defined by what you drink.
Imagine this: If one of your closest buddies stopped drinking, how would you view them? Most likely not. You would still enjoy being with them because the issue was never the alcohol. You’re the same.
It’s perfectly normal to feel slightly off when you first start attending social events without alcohol. This drink was your social safety net. It could make things feel odd without it. Strange doesn’t necessarily mean bad. What seems weird at first can become normal very quickly. The human body is adaptable!
Here are some ways to make the transition easier:
- Allow yourself to feel awkward. Socializing is a skill. It gets easier with practice.
- Change the focus. Don’t worry about your appearance, but rather connect with those around you. Ask questions! Ask questions! These little moments of connection are more important than clever banter.
- Choose a non-alcoholic beverage. A sparkling water cocktail or fancy soda can ease the feeling of “something is missing”. Bonus: Your hands will never be left wondering what to do.
- Do you really know what people are saying about your drinking habits? Most people are too busy focusing on themselves to care or notice.
You can be confident and real when you take the lead.
You don’t lose anything when you step away from alcohol. You are creating space. You’re creating space to reconnect with yourself beneath the noise. Space to develop confidence that won’t fade when the buzz is over. You need space to be more authentic and full-bodied in your life. Here is where the real confidence lives.
You’re Not Losing Your Identity
It doesn’t take much to change your personality. Rediscovering yourself is the key. Alcohol did not create the parts of you people love–your wit, warmth, and spark. They’re yours. They’ve been right there all along.
The next time you are wondering whether alcohol can make you more confident, remember that the best and most lasting confidence comes not from drinking but from within.
